Questions Google Can't Answer

We are in a series at church right now called, "Why? Questions Google Can't Answer". Today, our pastor spoke about feeling the presence of God and why we don't always feel him. Is it God's fault or ours? I feel the presence of God a lot. But I've noticed that I don't usually feel his presence unless I'm open and receptive to it. That's MY fault, not His. I know that I would feel Him more if I was constantly reading the word, praying more (I'm getting better at that!) and just opening myself up to Him. I tend to let my own agenda get in the way. I hate to admit this, but I've got to be honest, it's been maybe 2 months since I opened the Bible. That's got to change! I need to make time for Him, every day! Anyway, I'm getting off track...
The sermon was great, Pastor Curt reminded us that feeling the presence of God is not always some huge feeling. It's not ALWAYS the huge show of emotion, the chills, the warm feeling you get, sometimes it's a whisper, but if we're not listening, we won't hear it. God is always with us, he is always in our presence, it's not HIS fault we can't feel him.

You can watch a video of the message at this link:
http://www.victorychurch.ws/media/watch-messages/

Swap-Bot

So, I came across this website called Swapbot:

I swap with Swap-bot!


Check it out!

Another Great Day!

I woke up this morning at 6:00 AM, had a bowl of Fiber One with skim milk and then I went to the gym. I got a really good workout! Ran some errands and now I'm home and starving! I just ate this amazing yogurt, toasted coconut vanilla! Yum!

Treasury and Orders

My Newspaper Mini book was featured in an Etsy Treasury called: "THE NEWS"

I also had two book orders today. Two very lovely books that I'm looking forward to making. I'm going to try to get one of these books finished tonight before I settle in to watch the Biggest Loser and then head off to sleepy land! I have an early day ahead of me tomorrow. I'm waking up at 6:00 AM to workout, then I'm volunteering at church for a few hours, have to run to the post office to mail off one of these books and then I have some grocery shopping to do. I'm making summer time veggie pizza for my small group on Thursday night.

Busy Bee

I have a craft show coming up in May and I've been spending a lot of time making mini books. It's a "Celebration of the Arts" show where I'll have my own vendor booth area. I've never done a show before but I'm excited about it! Since most of the books in my shop are for weddings, I decided to make the mini books so that I can appeal to all ages and occasions. So, I've been making about 2 or 3 a day for the past couple weeks. I figured it would be smart to offer books that are cute and cheap! ($12-$14) You can see them all in my Etsy Shop ;-)

Love Bird Books

Here's a picture of me working on one of the mini books.

Confession

I've been doing so amazing for the last week and a half. I've been tracking each and every thing, eating 5 servings of fruits and veggies a day, getting my water, my vitamins, my 2 servings of dairy, etc. I've been following all the rules and have been very satisified. And I was down 3 pounds on Friday.

Then tonight happened!

My day was going along really good, I had a bowl of Fiber One for breakfast with skim milk, a banana, and 2 cups of coffee. Then I had a slice of veggie pizza as a snack, then I made this really delicious spinach salad that was to die for. Later I had some Special K Chips which are ridiculously low in points. Then 6pm rolls around and I started craving and I couldn't get it out of my head. I was craving Fried Chicken of all things. I'm not sure where that came from. Then I debated on making some, but then I didn't want to deal with the mess of it all, then I thought about where I could go to buy fried chicken and that all sounded gross to me and then thinking about the grease kind of made me ill. By that time I didn't want chicken at all and that's all I currently have in the house right now (but I ALWAYS bake my chicken). So.. Jason got home and we went to Taco Bell.

I stared at that menu for 5 minutes. The lady in the drive thru kept asking me if I was ready but it took me so long to figure out what I wanted because the truth is, I didn't want any of it. Thinking about those burritos made me nauseas. Then Jason suggested I get the Nacho Bell Grande (which is SO high in PP) so that's what I ordered. I also ordered a chicken quesadilla and a pepsi (not diet pepsi, regular pepsi). I came home and ate it and now I feel awful. Not only is it not agreeing with my stomach but I feel awful about myself.

Are you for real?

I was messing around online today, jumping from blog to blog, reading DIY stuff and I came across a web designer. Her work is really beautiful and she specializes in making e-commerce websites, (ie: Websites with shopping carts, etc.) Even though I wasn't really looking for a web designer, I emailed her for a quote. We talked a little about what I was looking for and she quoted me $5000. Seriously? 5k? Is that normal? And she would just be building the site, I'd have to add my own content and maintain it myself. Considering the timeline I was given, that estimates approx $83.00 an hour.  That seems high. Am I being unreasonable?

Well, I'm glad I didn't have my heart set on it anyway.

In other news, I've learned the importance of stretching before and after work outs. I could feel my calf muscles tightening up last night, I felt like I was going to get a charlie horse. It woke me up several times during the night, then I woke up this morning and I can barely stand up straight. I'm incredibly sore! I decided to skip working out today and focus on house work instead. It's now 7:30 and I'm just going to get some sleep because I don't want to deal with this pain anymore. I'm seriously considering an ice bath.

Tomorrow: Root Canal. Oh Joy.

Elliptical Machine

I'm so proud of myself. This morning I went to the gym and decided to work out on the elliptical. That machine intimidates me. It doesn't feel natural to me at all, and most of the time I feel like I could fall off at any second, but my left knee has been bothering me for the last week so I decided to give it a shot because I've heard it's good for your joints, less impact and such.

I talked Jason into doing it with me and when we got on the machines, our conversation went something like this:
Jason: "How long are we going?"
Me: "Umm.. I don't know how long I'll be able to do this."
Jason: "Well, I'm setting it for 30 minutes."

After a few minutes on the machine, I was ready to quit. I was staring at the treadmills in front of me and seriously considering hopping on one of those, but I powered through, put on my music, covered the electronic timer and just kept going. After 10 minutes, the muscle pain stopped and it became kind of fun! I went the entire 30 minutes right alongside Jason.

WINNING!

Goals

I joined Weight Watchers in January and since then, I've been posting on a "Central PA" message board for Weight Watchers. I've had the pleasure to get to know some really wonderful ladies. I've only met one in person and we became fast friends. Yesterday, I met 4 others at a lunch in Enola, PA. We got together at Hoss's. I walked in the door and saw pictures of fried chicken, steak, etc. YIKES! Not what a person focused on weight loss needs to see, right? Well, I was good. I took advantage of the salad bar (and only the salad bar). Yay for me.

I've been praying a lot about this weight loss thing, mostly I've just been asking God to help me with my willpower. I know I can do this, I KNOW I CAN! My biggest challenge, my biggest hurdle, my biggest competitor is.. ..myself. Over the last two days I've seen a change. I'm making healthier choices and I'm being really conscious of what I'm doing and my physical activity. One of the ladies from WW posed a challenge, track every single thing for one week and walk 1 mile a day. I've taken that challenge. I'm only halfway through it, but I'm feeling good. Now I just need to stop weighing myself every day. It's messing with my head!

My Goal: Lose 25lbs by July.
That gives me 2 and half months.
I can do this!
I know I can!

Closing Chapters

I feel like a failure when it comes to weight loss. I get so excited in the beginning and I track my points, I plan my meals, I set myself on the right track and then BAM! Something happens to steer me off track and it's so hard to get back on. I started Weight Watchers again on Jan. 1st. I lost 5lbs that first week, then I found out I was pregnant. I stayed on Weight Watchers and maintained the same weight and then I miscarried and went through some emotional eating. I still managed to maintain and then I got back on track. I started tracking again and even did some exercising, then I had dental surgery and now I'm having trouble getting back on track. I'm all healed up, totally capable of going to the gym every day, and yet.. here I sit. !!!!!!!!!!!

Moving on..
A couple weeks ago we went to church, it was a typical Saturday night service, I walked in those doors a bit unwilling. I had to tear myself away from World of Warcraft and talk myself into going. I would have much rather stayed home playing in my little fantasy world. The worship music started and I was in a sour mood. I was mouthing the words but not really feeling it. I was thinking about everything BUT God. Those four worship songs seemed to last forever and I remember thinking to myself, "Geez, I'm sorry God but I just don't want to be here right now. I'm a horrible person to be standing in church thinking this, what is wrong with me?" Then service started. I was still not in a great mood, then they showed this video:



At the end of the video, this man had a message for his wife:
"I don't think there is anything that I haven't already told you. I love you. I know you love me. My biggest regret is that this illness has caused a lot of emotional pain for you but I do know that we have grown as a couple. And that I love you, and that I hope one day after I'm gone, you can find somebody that loves you as much as I do now."

When he started talking about how he hopes one day his wife will find someone that loves her as much as he loves her, I got really emotional. I started crying and all I could think about was Jason. I love him so much, not a day goes by that we don't tell each other just how much. I'm so blessed to have him in my life. I kept thinking, if I die tomorrow, what regrets will I have? The answer: A LOT!

1. I'll regret that I don't spend enough time with my husband.
2. I'll regret that I don't have a lot of friendships outside of my beloved video game.
3. I'll regret that most of Jasons memories of me will be the time we shared together in a video game with our virtual characters and not each other.

I was so overcome with grief of all the time I've lost. I've spent the last six years completely addicted to World of Warcraft. I justified it by saying, "Well, if I didn't play WOW, I'd just be watching TV anyway, at least I'm using my brain." or.. "I don't have any friends here in Pennsylvania and at least I can play with my long distance friends in WOW." or.. "It's the cheapest form of entertainment and I'd rather be sitting at home playing this than spending $30 bucks at the movies." I came up with so many ways to justify my addiction to this game. But the reality is that, I ignored my family, I ignored my life passing me by, I put off daily chores, errands, cooking, cleaning, house maintenance. I passed up on opportunities to hang out with friends and develop real relationships, I missed out on church more than a few times, I thought about reading the Bible, and then I decided I'd rather raid. I neglected my husband, our animals, our friends. The list goes on and on.

So, as I sat there in church, listening to the sermon, tears were streaming down my face and I couldn't stop them. This is usually how the Lord gets to me. He puts something on my heart and makes it SO heavy that I just can't ignore it and I begin to cry. It happens a lot at my church. He always gives me what I need and shows me the path I'm supposed to be on, and whether it's a joyful tugging at my heart strings, or a painful one, it always ends up with me crying. I knew what I had to do. I had to stop playing. I thought, "I'll go home and tell everyone I can't play anymore and then i'll cancel my account." but no.. That wasn't good enough. That's when I knew what I really had to do. I went home and deleted all my characters, uninstalled the game and cancelled my account. It was heart breaking. People don't understand, it's not just a video game, it's a community of gamers. It's a family. Jason and I were leaders of our "Guild" and we have very close relationships with these people. We talk to them daily and have even met some of them outside the game. Saying goodbye wasn't easy, but it was necessary.

I never asked Jason to quit. I didn't suggest it, in fact, I told him, "I want you to know that I'm not going to pressure you into quitting." He said, "Yeah, I know." While I was going through the process of deleting my characters, Jason was playing around on his. It took me about an hour and just when I was almost done, Jason announced he was going to delete his too. He said he started talking to another player in the game about achievements, and this other guy was saying how he hadn't accomplished everything he needed to in the game and Jason thought, "I've been playing this game for 7 years and it's still not over. It will never be over. I'll never be finished with it." Enough was enough. He deleted, uninstalled, and unsubscribed.

We closed our World of Warcraft chapter in our life. As Jason put it, "We have each dumped 6 and 7 years into this game and have come to realize that other then awesome friends and guild, we haven't achieved anything life-worthy. We need this for our life plan and to achieve our goals." I'm proud of us.

So, for the past couple weeks, we have gone fishing, we've gotten a ton of things done around the house. We've crossed a lot of things off that proverbial "TO-DO List". We get to bed at a decent hour, we wake up early and start our day on the right track. I'm happy to say, things are looking up in the Bledsoe house :)

If only we could get the weight thing under control.. *sigh* One day at a time..

These pictures are from our little fishing trip on Tuesday. We rented a boat at Muddy Run. Didn't catch anything but we had a great time!